July 21

Finding Joy When Single Moms Bear All the Burden


Hi, peace and blessings. I am Jovhannah The Spiritual Love Healer, founder, and creator of the Spiritual Love Sanctuary. And I'm starting a series where I show up here at live on Saturdays to just talk to you about different things that that I'm dealing with, and that I'm seeing, answering questions and all things focused on healing, single moms.

So today's topic is about how single moms bear the burden. And I wanted to share some things that I'm tired of. Things that I see either in my own life or on social media, just the wide variety of things and kind of reflect on how it goes back into single moms, having to bear all the burden, the blame, the guilt, the responsibility. And so I want to first pull a card from one of my favorite Oracle decks. I am a spiritual healer, a teacher and intuitive Tarot reader.

And one of the many tools that I use are divination tools like Tarot and Oracle cards to provide guidance coaching, and to really help my mamas get aligned with their, with their abundance, with the love, their soul purpose, all of those beautiful juicy things, and even really diving into parenting strategies and things like that. So I want to pull a call card for us today and please let me know where you are watching from, and if you're watching on the replay feel free to leave your comments. I look forward to reading and responding to them

Let's see what comes up joy. Oh, this is perfect for today's conversation. This has got Goddess Aphrodite and the manifestation stage that this is in is gestation. And we know during that period of time, that is when everything is taking place. That is when growth is happening. That's when things are coming into development in order to come into fruition and the message here is “I have the courage to be unapologetically happy”.

This feels very much like that creative energy dancing, that sacral chakra energy that is where our seat of emotions, the seat of our intuition. And so exactly what I'm talking about today, points back to you being allowed, the freedom of expression, the freedom to have joy in your life. Not only as a mother, but outside of that role as a woman, and a lot of times as moms, especially as a single mother, your whole life and identity gets wrapped up into your children and you become a mom and you kind of forget about yourself in the, and it's important that we remember, we are still women.

We are still humans and we still have goals and dreams and important things to do in this world ourselves also. So I want to share some of the things that I have heard you know, as a single mother and one of the things too. So I have two girls, my oldest she is going to college this fall, which is mind blowing. Cause I just remember her as my little baby girl, but she's all grown up now. She's 17 and starting college at Howard soon. And then my five year old is still probably a sleeping. She'll probably come in here shortly. She's five. So I have two girls that are 13 years apart and, you know, having that age gap, it's like I had to get hit with everything twice in a sense. And I know, especially when I was younger and I had my first child, there was a lot of, Oh, well, you don't need to go out.

You don't need to, you know, you don't have a life anymore. You're a mom now. And that was so detrimental, like, so very detrimental to, you know, feel like you're not able to live or everything has to be about your child. And you know, it can make you feel selfish for having desires or interests outside of that. Right. so that was one thing that, you know, that I had to deal with. And also being told like, Oh, you have a child, so you don't need to date. Like, you know, it's not okay to date. You know, meanwhile, her dad had moved on, gotten married and all of these things, but I was like, well, I can't date. I have a child. So to date is wrong. And then there's all this shame around being a single mother to begin with.

So it's like what? Yeah, crazy. Right. And so another thing that I hear especially now with Savvi, I have my own business, spiritual of sanctuary. So, you know, I am the business, it's me. I am doing all of the things. I love my work. I also do some work as a social media manager, so I have a lot going on and it makes me happy too, to do the work that I love doing. And so something that I hear is that I work a lot and there's a few different reasons why I work it's because I want to see my business successful. I have goals, you know, for my business, there are people that I truly want to help and to serve and support through my business. So it's important that yes, I do have work to do.

And it also is, you know, me having to work to make sure that I can sustain the type of lifestyle and provide things for Savvi that I want her to have. Like I plan on homeschooling her. I recently did find a private kind of charter school that was opened within the last few years by an, a black woman who homeschooled her child. And then she opened up an Academy for children of color. So I'm like, I want her to go there wishing for that school it's pretty high. So I have a goal, like I need to, to increase my revenue so that I can, you know, provide this level of education for my child, that I want her to have. If I had help and support, I probably wouldn't, you know, have to put so much pressure on myself to do those things, but this is the situation that I'm in.

So I am doing the best that I can working within the parameters that I have for that. Savvi's with me almost every day and, you know, she gets to come into my office sometimes while I'm working, she's either playing or, you know, doing her own schoolwork or keeping herself occupied. I'll go work on the porch, we'll go outside and play. We go for walks and let her ride her bike. So we get to do so many things now that if I were working in back in corporate America, that I would not be able to do. And for me I find that to be very ironic because my last job that I had, some days I would work I remember one day I worked 20 hours, 20 hours. I took naps in my car and, you know, nobody had an issue with that.

It's like, because it was a job, a stable job. And so that, it's something that I'm sick of hearing is that you work too much or you don't spend enough time with your child and we're together, like all of the time doing things. And with that, I think it's very important to and I know some of these things come out of goodwill, but it's very detrimental, especially when a child is hearing them, because then they start to repeat them and they start to feel like something is wrong or something is missing. And that is not the type of energy I want to put out into her life. And, and I feel like it is very advantageous and it is a blessing for me to be able to work from home, you know, building up a business that not only supports myself, but allows me to give back and to serve my community.

But it affords me the opportunity to be present with my child, which is something that I didn't get to do with my first child. Another thing is you know, people, I see a lot of, you know, judgment around how children are schooled. And I talked about this on personal page a couple of weeks back, like one of my biggest fears is sending my daughter to a private of public school. And the reason being is, and I thought about it. So I, you know, it was like back and forth on, I was like, no, it'll be good for her. She'll get, you know, the social interaction with other children. And, you know, there's, there's some pluses to, you know, going out to school versus homeschooling. And then it's like, every time I'm like, okay, I'm going to send her to public school. And, you know, I'll just be very active and, you know, stay in contact with the teacher and try to volunteer and help out with like every time I made came to that conclusion, I would see an article.

And the last time that was like the final straw for me was when there was a six year old little girl who was arrested for having a temper tantrum in kindergarten. And that to me was like, no, because I saw so much of my child in her Savhannah is very outspoken and very determined to, to get her point across. And she has very powerful emotions. So she is prone to have a temper tantrum. And when I saw this little girl in handcuffs, crying, scared that she was going to jail at six years old for having a tantrum, which is very common for young children, he'll adults even have them because many adults don't know how to control their own emotions. And I just felt that was, that was too much for me. And so I made the decision, like I am going to homeschool. So this month, and next I'm getting all of the materials together deciding on, you know, our curriculum for the coming year. And then because a lot of people are now homeschooling not only, you know, due to issues with miseducation that's happening, that's a whole nother conversation, but also with the the pandemic, more people are homeschooling now. So the regulations have changed around that. So I'll need to register, I think, or my homeschool, like five days before we actually intend on starting so that, I guess they're not backlog, but I feel like with all of the things, and these are just a few things that I've seen and dealt with, and that bothered me the most.

But when it comes down to these decisions about homeschooling, about work, about all of these things, it goes back to where a single mother has to shoulder the burden or blame by herself and any mom in general, like when things goes wrong, everyone blames the mom. Anyway, everyone looks to the mom, like they didn't love their child enough, but they weren't around enough. They didn't hug them enough.

And so with single mothers, I feel like that stake is just driven in even more, maybe even more stakes because you're blamed for being a single mom and not every single mother is at guilt when sometimes a woman becomes a single mother because she chooses to adopt. Sometimes it's an aunt that has taken in her nieces and nephews because a family member passed or their parent isn't able to take care of them for whatever reason. Sometimes it's because, you know, the dad just walked away or didn't want to be involved other times. It's because maybe the dad died. There are women who were married and their spouse passed away. And now they are a single parent. And, you know, so many people walk around in judgment, not knowing the situation or the circumstances and all of that really at the end of the day is completely irrelevant.

And so one of the things that I am challenged to do is to remove the single out of single mother, because at the end of the day, you're a mother period. And I don't think that, you know, women who are raising children on their own should be given any type of flack over what they're doing, because we're showing up, you know, we're showing up sometimes double-time because we have to do all of the things we have to take care of our children. And so it's interesting because, you know, I had started a platform on Instagram healing, single mothers, and it didn't feel right because I didn't want to have to keep saying healing, single mothers, healing, single mothers, because at the end of the day, I know that that word single, it does denote lack. And it makes, you know, it seemed like there's something missing when it comes to your motherhood and there's not.

And so that is what the Spiritual Love Sanctuary is truly here for. I started coaching, Hmm. I've been on this journey for quite some time. I started coaching and then I started integrating energy healing and intuitive modalities into my work. And first my work was focused on women. And then I was kind of focusing more on women who had dealt with abuse or, you know, toxic, unhealthy relationships. And then I was like, Nope, it's moms. And then I realized like the clientele that was coming to me either I've worked with both men and women, they were from broken homes or single parent homes, or they were single parents. And with everything that is happening this year I decided that I really want it to focus on helping to heal the black community, because even in my own journey as a single mother the things that, you know, I've experienced and see in my relationship with my daughter's father, it's that healing is needed. Right. And what I do know is that many women are doing the work. You know, they're going to therapy, they're, you know, working with spiritual healers or coaches and, you know, they're getting themselves together, but a lot there needs to be a lot more spaces for men. And I truly believe that when a man is unable to show up for his child, there's some, something deeply, deeply wrong. And generally like there's some sort of healing, some sort of trauma, something that needs to be addressed within that person.

And I really want to look at parenting differently in a way that is really centered on the child, because I've seen so many parents unable to co-parent because there's so much anger and animosity between the two parents and that's not healthy for any child. So there's a lot here within the Spiritual Love Sanctuary that I want to cover. And I felt like starting with single black mothers single moms would be the best way to make the biggest impact on, on our community, on the world. Because when we go into the home of a single mother and we're able to help her transform herself, she then is able to transform her children. And then when she does bring a partner into her household, it will be someone who is aligned, someone who is willing to do the work, someone who's willing to go through healing and all of that. And I think that's what we need.

That is what we need now more than ever. And so I'm very excited and I look forward to helping you find your joy and showing up here to continue the conversations about things that are impacting us as a women, as mothers, within our community and ways that we can truly heal and live abundantly ever after, like we were taught, like, you know, you go to school, you get married and life is going to be great. That doesn't happen for all of us. And I realized that there's more to it. And so I came up with abundantly ever after, because I want you to experience abundance in all areas of your life. I want you to experience an abundance of love and abundance of money and abundance of success, abundance in everything that you do. So I thank you so much for joining me. It has been an absolute pleasure. I cannot wait until next time. Peace and love.


Emotions, Enjoy Life, Joy

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