Right now, we are in a very important, very pivotal time. It's definitely a time of rebirth and a time of transformation. I'm noticing a lot of the clients that I work with and people who are just reaching out to me are coming to me because they are having problems with love, and that is very much tied into our life.
It impacts our quality of life, our mind, our wellness, and so many other things. A lot of times people want to compartmentalize love into this one area that it's about us being in a relationship or being connected to someone else, but it's so much deeper than that.
There's a song that I love by Deborah Laws called Very Special. In it she says, “life is love and we are living”. And I truly believe that love is not just about being connected with a romantic partner or an intimate partner.
It's about how we feel about ourselves, how we show up in the world, how we interact with other people. It's so much more. Over time I'll explain to you what spiritual love is and the concepts behind all of that and where all of this came from. But today, I'm just focusing on commitment and what that is.
A lot of people come to me because they're having issues with, in a relationship, whether it's a relationship with, you know, another person or it's how they're connecting with themselves.
We seem to forget that our most important relationship is the one that we have with ourselves. And that's kind of what steers us off course a little bit because commitment is not just something that we give to someone else or that we do for someone else. We also need to be committed to ourselves.
What I see from a lot of us, especially women, is that we are giving so much of ourselves, so much of our energy, our time, our resources to others that we're depleting ourselves and we are doing ourselves a grave disservice.
So, your first commitment needs to be to yourself, to your goals, to you becoming the person that you want to be, and to achieving your goals, whatever those may be. Because you have to be able to give from your overflow, not from your cup. If you are not filling your cup, if you are putting others before you and your relationships, eventually you will wind up depleted. Especially if said persons are not pouring back into you.
When it comes to being committed to yourself, it's also about establishing healthy boundaries. Consider questions like:
- What are the dynamics of this relationship?
- Am I getting what I need from this?
- Am I giving too much?
- Is it giving me more pain than pleasure?
- Is this more of a liability than an asset?
Those are some things to really consider when you think about your commitments.
And a lot of times, people will say, I'm not going to date this person. Or if they do this, then I'm out. And we just keep giving people an inch. And so we break our own commitments to ourselves by breaking our own rules. And when we do that, that's never really a good thing.
It's important that you are first and foremost committed to yourself because that is what's going to set the parameters, including healthy boundaries for you to have healthy relationships and really achieve the things that you want to achieve in life.
The second thing is that when you are not committed to yourself, you struggle. You struggle because one, you are kind of at odds with yourself. You know that you are not being true to yourself, that you're not honoring yourself. When you are doing yourself a disservice, you're giving too much of yourself, that leads to you being depleted and being in a place where you're not happy.
Another thing that can happen is you start to do that dance. like You start to make excuses for other people or why things are the way that they are, but you're still never focusing on yourself.
The thing is, if you are in a situation and it does not make you happy, you have to consider what is it costing you to be in this situation? Why are you in a situation that is not ideal for you? And do you believe that you deserve better? And once you recommit to yourself, you recommit to knowing, you know what? I am worthy and deserving of all good things.
Once you start committing to yourself, it puts you in a position to win. And it does so, because you're now in a place where you say, this is what I stand for and I'm not with this. You’ll be able to say “I'm not gonna get sidetracked”.
Being committed to yourself takes you out of the struggle game. You already know the things that you're going to deal with and things that you're not going to deal with. You know who you are, you know what you stand for and you know what you desire and what you deserve. And that puts you in a place where you're no longer settling for anything less than that.
We get into trouble when we start not to honor ourselves and not to commit to ourselves. How many times have you seen, whether it's yourself or your friends, they get into a relationship and all of a sudden, they stop doing all of the things that they love and it seems like they kind of just evaporate into this relationship. And you know, you may start to lose sight of yourself. You may start to lose sight of your goals and your dreams and that's not necessarily healthy.
Make sure that you're maintaining balance and taking care of yourself in the process by putting yourself first. And being committed to yourself, your desires and your needs and who you want to be, the things that you want to accomplish and do in your life.
When you start to really take care of yourself and you start to honor yourself and you're able to engage in a healthy relationship where you're not fully losing yourself in another person where you know you both are able to have your independent identities within the relationship, then you start to see things changing on a different level because things start to fall into place.
Where we get lost at is that in order to commit to yourself, you really have to know who you are and what you value, what's important to you. All of those things like where are you going in life? What do you need to feel secure? How are you doing emotionally? Like you have to know yourself inside and out. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it. And a lot of times people are not able to truly commit to themselves because we don't know who we are.
We only know who we were told that we have to be or we should be. And we have never really been given the freedom to explore who you are. Answering the question, who am I, does kind of require some deep soul work. Once you're really clear on who you are on your values, on your purpose, your goals, your dreams, it becomes much easier for you to be more committed to yourself and to maintain healthy relationships with other people that will also honor you as you are.
They'll honor your commitments and you'll find that you know, you start to attract a different type of person to you. So it's very important that you have boundaries, that you have knowledge of self so that you can know where to put your energy and really know where to focus. So it's important that you know who you are and not who you were told to be, so that you can really tune in and get clear on what it is you need to be committed to.
I would love to know how you're going to commit to yourself going forward. Please leave a comment. Let me know, and I am also inviting you to join me each week, Thursdays at 7pm/EST. I am live on the Spiritual Love Circle. It is a weekly chat where we come together. We can discuss different topics. Sometimes I do readings meditations, just different things. I pull different tools out of my toolbox to really guide you and support you where you need it most.
For more information on the Spiritual Love Circle, head over to spirituallovecircle.com